June | Happy Pride Month!
Every year, Pride Month is celebrated in the month of June. It is an entire month dedicated to the uplifting of LGBTQ voices, celebration of LGBTQ culture, and the support of LGBTQ rights. The first Pride Parade took place on June 28, 1970, to commemorate the 1-year anniversary of the Stonewall Riots, which occurred in Manhattan in June 1969. While there has been some progress over the last fifty plus years, there is still more work to be done…especially when it comes to our LGBTQ coworkers.
According to a Human Rights Campaign Foundation report (AWorkplaceDivided-2018.pdf(hrc.org)), forty-six percent of LGBTQ workers say they are still closeted at work. They fear reprisals from unsupported managers, hear homophobic jokes, and feel isolated and/or excluded from others. Fifty perfect of non-LGBTQ employees do not think there are any LGBTQ people at their workplace. Also, the top reason LGBTQ workers do not tell a supervisor or Human Resources about negative comments about LGBTQ people is because they do not think anything would be done about it and because they do not want to hurt their relationships with coworkers. These are only a few of the issues our LGBTQ coworkers face. No wonder they choose to remain closeted.
So how can we be the best work ally and support our lgbtq co-workers?
Do not make assumptions
A wedding ring does not automatically mean she has a husband or he has a wife. When referring to a significant other, use the words, “partner” or “spouse” versus “husband” or “wife.” This will prevent an awkward situation for you and your LGBTQ coworker, especially if they have not come out and do not wish to come out.
Let your LGBTQ coworker come out when they are ready
Not everyone wants everyone to know their business. Your LGBTQ coworker likely has a good reason(s) they have not come out yet. There may be safety concerns, a desire not to be asked a million questions; (especially by people who are not well informed or not sensitive to others’ feelings), and/or fear of being treated differently. Also, keep in mind that, just because a coworker is out to you, it does not necessarily mean they are out to everyone. Once they are out to you, ask them if everyone else knows. If not, be aware of how you speak to them and about them at work. You do not want to accidentally out them.
Ask about their partner
Do not treat your LGBTQ coworker different than your straight coworker. If someone is out, have the same conversations you would have with a straight coworker. Ask them the same types of questions about their personal life. Do not ignore it and let it be the elephant in the room. Also, do not whisper about it, like it is a taboo topic. Speak at a normal volume, because it is a normal conversation.
Do not be too nosy
Do not bombard your LGBTQ coworker with questions. (e.g., “How did you know you were gay?” or “How did you tell your parents?”) These are personal questions that are not appropriate for the workplace. Also, do not try to play matchmaker. Just because you have a LGBTQ coworker and you have a LGBTQ friend/acquaintance do not mean they are a match. You may have good intentions with the set-up, but it may be taken as an insult and could create an awkward situation at work.
If you have other gay friends, let them know
You may not have a lot of experience with LGBTQ people but letting them know you have friends/family who are LGBTQ may actually make them feel more comfortable around you at work…because even if you do not fully understand, you are trying to.
Do not only talk about their sexuality or gender
Being LGBTQ is a huge part of someone’s life…but it is not the only thing. Respect the fact that they likely do not want to talk about it all the time. Being LGBTQ is just one facet of who they are, but it is not the only part. Treat them as you would any other person.
Educate yourself
Do not expect your LGBTQ coworker to educate you. Stay on top of what is going on with the LGBTQ community in the news. If you want to be an ally, do a little homework on your own. Also, do not assume that just because someone is part of the LGBTQ community that they know everything about it. It is a large and diverse community.
Make an effort with pronouns
Those in the LGBTQ community who are transgender and gender fluid deal with a lot of confusion, bias, and misunderstanding. This can be extremely stressful at work. While at work, if you find it hard to adjust to a person’s pronoun, just keep trying. If you are not sure what pronoun to use, ask. If someone corrects you, a quick apology and correcting yourself by repeating the correct pronoun should be adequate. Do not ask for their correct pronoun each time you speak with that person. Make a sincere effort to learn and remember. Once you know the right pronoun, help your coworker by communicating it to others or correcting others while in conversation.
Stick up for them
If you hear a coworker use the wrong name or wrong pronoun outside of that person’s presence, call them out on it, if you know the person is out to them and it is safe to do so. Also, if you hear someone telling a homophobic joke, do not let it slide. Call them out. Report it to HR. Things will only be changed if we make an effort to help the change.
Show you care about the LBGTQ Community
There are small, yet significant, ways you can do this. Encourage your office to sponsor a float in the local pride parade, march in the pride parade, review your company’s benefit policies to see if there are exclusions for LGBTQ employees.
Do not be afraid to make mistakes
It is critical that employees consciously strive to create an LGBTQ-inclusive workplace. Of course you may make some mistakes along the way. The important thing is that you are trying. If you make a mistake, ask, clarify, and apologize, if/when necessary. Continue to make the effort to be a place where LGBTQ employees and their friends, families, and allies want to work.
While support for the LGBTQ Community has come a long way, there is still much to be done. If you want to make a difference, be an ally to your LGBTQ coworkers. Allies have the ability to proactively speak up and change workplaces. As George Bernard Shaw once said, “Progress is impossible without change, and those who cannot change their minds cannot change anything.”
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